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Factscinator's avatar

Breaking news! Cat-astrophe strikes as a novel Coronacatter "virus" pounces on cat populations globally. Health officials from the (C) at (D) isease (C) ontrol held a feather-ruffling press conference early this morning. In a preliminary statement Anthony Meowci indicated a novel bug has migrated from birds to cats. Reference for this fur-rightening claim was made to the initial sequencing of a tin of cat food. A small piece of feather from the Chinese, Red-crowned crane was found in a can of Friskies Prime Filets and Giblets in Gravy, inducing fears of more CCP fowl play.

Skeptics of this narrative peddled by the puppet parrots of the bird-brained MSM aren’t purr-suaded. They believe Anthony Meowci is winging it again! H-owl-ever he displayed his trademark nimbleness at dodging hawk-ward questions on the origin story with his customary word salad responses that led journalists on a wild goose chase. At times it seemed like his patchy statements were held together by nothing more than vel-crow. You could tell the press corps were hoping for a Crane to remove him from the podium. Such obfuscation merits the sleuth skills of Sherlock Holmes to quack the case.

Officials at Cat Disease Control have christened the bug behind the catdemic “Avi-Purr 20.” Symptoms include whisker wobbles, claw-some cravings, and tailspin tantrums.

Felines suffering from Long Avi-Purr (LA-P) are documented to suffer from kitty kleptomania – the habit of stealing shiny objects and hoarding them in their litter boxes. In addition to thievery long Avi-Purr includes Paws-itively Puppish Syndrome (PPS) – here cats start performing dog-like tricks like fetching sticks or rolling over for belly rubs. Other notable downsides of (LA-P) include litter box lamentations – here our furry friends refuse to use their litter boxes, preferring to relieve themselves in the most inconvenient places. Perhaps most distressing of all for cat owners are naptime nightmares – cats experience vivid dreams of chasing birds, resulting in startled wakeups, confused expressions, and repeated “cock-a-doodle-doos,” even when dawn has long since passed.

Many in the health freedom meowment worry that this new outbreak provides fat cats in Big Furma with the purr-fect opportunity to line their nest with fur-real earnings, as Ali- G might say. The paws-ibility of litterbox lockdowns and cage man-drakes is all to real. Fur-tunately many have woken up to the viroliegy scam thanks to the purr-severance of Team No Virus. Mankind is fur-ever in their debt.

Stay tuned as the story unfolds with (C) at (N) ews (N) etwork! “The most trusted name in Mews.”

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Capt. Roy Harkness's avatar

I started to read Dr Ah Kahn Syed's post last night: "One Flew Over the Chicken's Nest" https://www.arkmedic.info/p/one-flew-over-the-chickens-nest. The Morons running Australia are about to "cull" 500,000 chickens in the state of Victoria after ONE bogus positive PCR test. Because of "Bird Flu": A bullshit preposterous story every bit as palpably asinine as the garbage we were sold over the origins of "Covid" ...which was the identical story they tried to flog with non-existent "SARS" back in 2003!

Meanwhile the more perceptive amongst us are noticing that the widespread destruction of farm animals after bogus testing, along with things like the theft of farms in Holland, or the increasingly onerous carbon tax in Canada to "combat" carbon dioxide will almost certainly result in serious food shortages if not outright famines. Think of that people: FAMINES. In North America, Europe, and Australia/New Zealand!! And even after the four years of the Covid Fraudemic 99% of the people around us are so f***ing stupid they cannot be made to see it!

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