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☣️ MISSING VIRUS LABS ☣️

🚨 NOW HIRING! 🚨

Position: Senior ViroLIELgist

Have you always wanted a career monetizing pseudoscience? 😱🔬

Do you possess the confidence to identify an invisible pathogen without it being present? 👨‍⚖️🦠

Can you transform a mysterious collection of cellular debris, laboratory chemicals, and animal torture experiments into tomorrow's global emergency? 🌍🚨

If so, your future begins here! 🎉

At Missing Virus Labs, our viroLIEgists proudly continue a tradition of finding certainty where lesser minds might inconveniently demand evidence. 🏆

Ideal candidates must have a proven track record of:

🧪 Assaulting monkey 🐒 kidney cell cultures with enough antibiotics, enzymes, detergents, reagents, and solvents to dissolve any potential evidence.

🔬 Shouting "Virus!" when the cells you just poisoned, starved, and chemically assaulted begin falling apart.

💻 Converting toxic cell breakdown into "viral genomes" using advanced computational imagination and several metric tons of assumptions.

🖼️ Slapping arrows on grayscale Jackson Pollock-style EM images and triumphantly announcing, "See? Virus!" 🦠

📈 Interpreting every result through the proven scientific principle that if the answer is known beforehand, the experiment becomes much easier.

🎯 Mastering the art of conflating "evidence of a virus" with "evidence that something dissolved in my petri dish."

🔄 Applying circular reasoning with professional precision by using assumptions to validate conclusions generated from assumptions.

📢 Injecting toxic cell cultures into the eyes, brains, and reproductive organs of laboratory animals to make them sick... sorry, to prove "viral transmission."

🏅 Preferred Qualifications:

✅ Ability to look baffled when asked simple questions about controls.

✅ Comfortable replacing dictionary definitions of isolation with a word salad explaining why isolation now means adding stuff.

✅ Experience publicly pontificating on the epidemiological progress of a virus nobody can locate.

✅ Passion for recommending toxic jabs, supplements, and antivirals to combat entirely hypothetical threats.

🌟 Employee Benefits Include:

💰 Unlimited funding for pseudoscience.

📺 Frequent television appearances as an expert on things that cannot be shown.

🏆 Opportunities to fabricate exciting new variants whenever public attention begins to wander.

Remember:

🪬 At Missing Virus Labs, we don't let a lack of evidence get in the way of quarterly earnings and your bonuses. 📈💰💷💶💴💵💰

✨ We simply process the evidence until it learns how to cooperate. ✨

☣️😄🦠

Apply today!

Dr Ferdinand Santos III's avatar

"Unfortunately, no responsive documents were found pertaining to your request. Per NCEZID’s subject matter experts, CDC/ATSDR has not done any work with capripox viruses. Additionally, CDC/ATSDR does not isolate viruses from a host.”

What a circus of liars and criminals. Wrap your head around that comment. They can't identify the 'virus' in a host....in related news, Person ABC died of cancer, but we can't identify the cancer.

AI and the gatekeepers will tell us that person 0 in the US, the first 'Rona' sufferrer, was a businessman who worked in China and collapsed with SARS II in Everett Washington. There is a substacker (need to find the person) who investigated this. According to people who worked at the supposed hospital there, such a patient was unknown and cannot be identified. Yet AI will claim 'genome this' and 'genome that' as 'proof'. The entire chain makes no sense: dead RNA particle in a Bat -> Pangolin -> Wet market which does not exist in Wuhan -> Victim 0 -> 'vectorise' -> Businessman from Everett -> painful death. Just stupid.

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